Asking an Italian girl’s hand in Marriage
Chiedere la mano
The
prospective groom would have to speak to the girl’s father and the whole
affair was treated like a corporate merger. Presents were exchanged, and
at a certain point during the transaction, a diamond ring had to be produced
by the man asking the hand of a young woman. The bigger the diamond ring;
the better. This would give financial security and a comfort zone to the
girl’s family and prove the earnestness of the pretendente (future
groom), giving him increased likelihood of having his offer accepted.
Character references
Italian parents were instrumental in helping uncertain or timid individuals meet and get to know each other. They would, at one time, not only verify the background of the person marrying their son or daughter, but also take care of any and all marriage formalities. Although in some cases they might even employ the services of a matchmaker, the responsability always remained on the parents shoulders.
Even today it is not uncommon for the girl’s parents to investigate carefully all available information regarding a suitor and his family. All relatives going back for several generations will be checked. Sometimes police records are looked into. And of course, the local gossip at the neighborhood bar serves as an unlimited source of information.
A questionable family lineage most often meant a sure blackball. Aristocratic or noble ancestry was a surefire way to increase the odds of a successful match. When one of the pair was of noble birth, but not the other, trouble was on its way and another Love Story in the making.
